OUR COMMUNITIES ARE OPT FOR REPAIR AND DECLARE

Dr. Tesfa G. Gebremedhin

West Virginia University

The Eritrean communities in Diaspora, particularly those in North America, lack a proper responsibility in nurturing and guiding the moral development of our young generation. As our children are growing up in diverse cultural environment, our own communities can undertake an essential task in balancing the cultural clash that most of our children experience today. As we should all be aware, a culture plays an important role in moral development through which our children acquire awareness, attitudes, beliefs, skills, and dispositions that render them morally mature human character. However, tragically, every day children in our communities witness violent acts or are the victims of abuse, neglect, or personal assault inside and outside their homes. We, the parents in Diaspora, have failed dismally in our most basic responsibility to protect our children from all types of danger and consequently we are prone to reap what we sow. Our Eritrean communities may be in shambles and dying, but there is still nothing beyond repair. Our communities cannot afford the devastating effects of failing to protect our children. Each of us individually and collectively must commit ourselves to the actions that are most appropriate to protect and safeguard our children. All our children should have the opportunity to reach their full potential in life and the critical role of our communities becomes apparent in this endeavor.

Parenthood is a profound blessing, bringing with it responsibilities that are both challenging and rewarding. The care, dedication, and attention of parents are critical to their children's success. As they teach, guide and nurture, parents help their children to realize their potential and achieve their dreams. Parents also play a critical role in shaping their children's character by sharing with others important life-lessons and values and showing them how to love and care for others in their own communities. As we face the challenges of a new era, families remain the foundation of our communities; and parents are the cornerstone of strong families. It is evident that this parental responsibility often presents difficult problems and trying circumstances as parents balance competing demands such as making a living and raising children by confining them to remain at home. The nurturing and development of children require investing a lot of time and making commitment to participate in many social activities of our communities. While individual families play an important role in raising children, communities must also assist parents by reaching out to help meet the needs of the young generation in their communities. A good example to explain the role of communities in society is the amazing story of a young girl from Vietnam. In 1975 a ten years old Vietnamese girl, together with her mother, came to the United States of America as refugees. Two years later, her mother was killed in a car accident. The little girl was taken by the social service and placed her in a foster home. She had a terrible experience living in foster homes as she moved from one to another. She experienced a cultural clash living with families of different ethnic cultural background. As a teenager, out of frustration and desperation, she resorted to drugs to reduce her emotional pain and she was in jail several times. She met a Vietnamese social worker who helped her to put her life together. The social worker introduced her to the neighborhood Vietnamese community. The community embraced and provided her with all the necessary rehabilitation services and her life is now completely and positively turned around. She is now 40 years old and married to a wonderful Vietnamese husband. Both of them have two beautiful school age children. She earned a college degree in Business Marketing, which enabled her to own and manage a successful and thriving clothing store. In fact it was her mother’s dream to own a business and raise her child with love. She is now an active member of her community and gets involved in organizing activities and conducting seminars on drugs, particularly to troubled Vietnamese youth. She has hosted many youth programs and welcomed many children to her own home. She has sponsored many Vietnamese families when they come to the United States as refugees. Likewise, every one of us collectively in our own communities, have so much more to offer to our children if we cooperatively work together and show them the way to a brighter future.

Behavioral scientists have realized that children are born to associate and bond with people they relate by ethnic identity. They need to be connected and develop through intense emotional relationships with the beloved people from their ethnic communities around them. Many studies have shown that children do better in life where there are strong family ties in viable ethnic communities. Children have an innate need to connect deeply with individuals of their own ethnic group and they long for a sense of moral and spiritual purpose from the elders in their own communities, church and mosque. We, the parents, also want our children to bear our image and absorb our cultural heritage and respect their ethnic identity. These needs are human imperatives and when they are not met, the potential of children for success in life is stifled. The needs of children are best met through nurturing communities in which mothers, fathers, and other adult caregivers actively participate in their communities by spending ample time with children, telling stories, and sharing traditions and history – communities that articulate a clear and inspiring vision of a good and meaningful life, and then lovingly help children bring that vision to pass in their own lives. 

Every one of us knows about the kind of problems and barriers we encounter in our communities, but no one talks about them openly. This creates a sick environment where gossip thrives and misunderstanding occurs. Squabbles and quarrels among ourselves have become the order of the day and led to the disintegration of our communities. We should all be embarrassed when our communities in many places are splitting into warring factions and even taking each group to court and spend thousands of dollars for legal fees (it has been observed in North America). It is shame on us to let our communities fall apart on our faces. Surely there should be at least a few wise individuals in our communities who can settle a dispute between groups by using traditional dispute resolution tactics. It is a shock to observe that no one in our communities is mature enough to resolve the conflict that exists among the members. Most of us never know how to resolve conflicts, but most of us know how to create and stir up problems. When relationship is strained and broken in our communities, running away from a problem, pretending it does not exist, or being afraid to talk about it, is actually cowardice. We need to understand that it is unrealistic to expect every one of us to agree about everything. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem. When we focus on reconciliation, the conflict that exists among ourselves loses significance and often becomes irrelevant. We can reestablish our personal relationships in our communities even when we are unable to resolve our differences. We can often have legitimate, honest disagreements and different opinions, but we can disagree without being disagreeable. We have to expect unity, not uniformity, and we can walk arm-in-arm without seeing eye-to-eye on every issue of our communities. Reconciliation means we bury the hatchet, not necessarily the issue or problem. It means that we should not give up on finding a solution to our problems. Until we care enough to confront and resolve the underlying barriers to our unity, we will never grow very close to each other. We need to continue discussing and even keep on debating, but we should do it in harmony and peace. When conflict is handled correctly with understanding, we grow closer to each other. We need to remember that the tunnel of conflict is the passage away to intimacy and friendship in any relationship. The proper attire for viable relationship is a humble attitude. It is important that we can come together and live in harmony and enjoy the company of each other in our own communities.

It is evident that nothing on earth is more valuable to us than our families and our ethnic communities. We should pay the highest price and give the utmost attention to protect both of them from the devastating damage that is caused by division, conflict, and disharmony among us. We need to take responsibility to preserve our unity, protect our relationship, and promote harmony in our communities through the bond of peace and integrity. It is better to concentrate on what we have in common that connect us than to focus on what makes us different and disperse us. Luckily, we all share the same country, Eritrea, the same cultural heritage, the same ethnic identity, the same traditional norms, and the same historical background, and these are critical factors far more important than any differences we could enumerate. We must remember that God/Allah created us with different personalities, preferences, desires, and attitudes, so we should value and enjoy those differences. We should be aware that conflict is usually a sign that our focus has shifted to less important issues or concentrated on petty things. When we focus on imperfections, opinions, styles, methods, and mere interpretations, division always happens and conflict occurs and shakes our moral stability. But if we concentrate on respecting each other and understanding our way of thinking, social harmony can prevail in our communities. It is a common phenomenon that our own brothers and sisters may disappoint us and let us down, but that is no excuse to stop our relationship with them. They are our family, even when they don’t act like it, and we can’t just walk out on them. We need to tolerate each other and build our own Eritrean communities in every city and state, if we want to identify and serve ourselves.

It is always easier to stand on the sidelines and take shots (character assassination) at those individuals who are actively participating and serving the communities than it is to get involved and make a personal contribution to the communities. It is also better to encourage rather than criticize and judge each other. When we stand in judgment, or look down on our own brothers and sisters, we are simply exposing our own pride and insecurity. We should remember that any Eritrean, no matter how much we disagree with him or her, is not our real enemy. Any time we spend squabbling, quarrelling and criticizing others is time that should have been spent building the unity of our relationship in our communities. To establish and maintain a firm and organized patterns of relationship in our communities we need to refuse to listen to gossip. Gossip is passing on information when we are neither part of the problem nor part of the solution. We should be aware that gossip is spread by wicked people who stir up trouble and break up our good relationships in our own communities. Some of us may grow older but never grow up may be because our character is essentially the sum of bad habits and we can’t discern right from wrong. We should know that spreading gossip is very wrong, but we should not listen to it, either, if we want to protect our communities. Listening to gossip is like accepting stolen property, and it makes us just as guilty of the crime as the other person who stole the property. When someone begins to gossip to us, we should have the courage to make the gossiper stop gossiping. It is always true that people who gossip to you will also gossip about you and it is also true that fire goes out for lack of fuel, and chaos and disorder disappear in a community when gossip stops and reconcile the relationship for unity and understanding.

Communities are not built on convenience (in terms of time and desire), but on the conviction that we need them for the safety of our children and security of our society. Nothing shapes the lives of our communities more than the commitments we choose to make a difference in our society. We will never know that our communities are all we need until we know that our communities are all we have got in Diaspora. Our communities can create unity and integrity, build character and relationship, transform situations and circumstances, overcome animosity and adversity, defeat despair and failure, infuse hope and aspiration, impart joy and harmony, encourage diversity and friendship, and guarantee the future success and development of our children. We can develop healthy, robust communities that can bring us together and enjoy their functions only if we do the hard work of getting along with each other with dignity and honor. Greatness may be defined in terms of power, possessions, prestige, and position, but greatness is measured by how many people we serve and support. The race to be a leader is crowded, but the position is wide open for those willing to serve others. Obviously, we have many Eritrean professionals and scholars who have enormous wisdom and capabilities to make unique contributions and differences in organizing and managing our communities in Diaspora.

Comments about this article can be forwarded to: tgebrem@wvu.edu. It is also a noble gesture to share your own perspective to your fellow Eritreans by sending your responses to the web sites. Thank you and God bless us all!