THE TALE OF TWO ERITREAN YOUTH

Dr. Tesfa G. Gebremedhin

West Virginia University

When we watch the word "youth" displayed in the media, we almost instinctively expect to see and hear about the array of youth problems and crimes. We face today a fundamental social crisis of personal and cultural purpose. Increases in problems of our youth reflect lack of hopes and dreams, in which often many of our children, lack a vision of the future sufficiently compelling to warrant the vulnerabilities of their daily lives. Our youth also face the generation gap and misunderstandings since they grow up in a much different world than their parents did and it is natural that both of them don’t have many things in common. Conflicts between youth and parents are very widespread due to that reason and there is usually lack of respect and understanding from both sides. Indeed we have seen dramatic increases over the last few years in youth-related concerns – juvenile delinquency, teen suicide and homicide, rapes and gang involvement, sexual behavior that risks disease and unwanted teen pregnancy, adolescent alcohol and drug abuse, dropping out of school, and anti-social behavior developed from broken homes and families. The discipline-related problems of the youth in terms of talking back with disrespectful manner and rudeness, using inappropriate and vulgar language, outright disobedience and defiance, and challenging family rules and social order, seem worse today than ever before. No doubt the youth problem wave has already come to door steps of our households and communities. It is neither the young generation war nor the influence of conventional values and contemporary culture; it seems to come naturally when there is certain defect in our households and communities.

To elaborate how the role of parents and ethnic communities can make a difference in reducing the youth problems, let me illustrate the tale of two teenagers from two related Eritrean families in Diaspora. One is Dejen Solomon and the other is Haben Yohannes and they are first cousins. In 1976, during the intensive colonial war in Eritrea, the two families left Eritrea on foot and crossed the boarder to Sudan and lived for six years up to 1982 in Kessela and Khartoum. The two boys were born one year apart in Khartoum and then migrated with their respective families as refugees to Europe and North America when Dejen was three years and Haben was four years old. It happened that Dejen grew up with his family in Europe and Haben grew up with his family in North America. These two teenage cousins grew up in exile with no adequate knowledge and experience of their war-torn motherland and their native people.

Haben grew up in a very hostile environment vulnerable for all types of crime. The parents could afford to raise their children in a decent home in a friendly neighborhood. Instead they selected to live in low income housing in unfriendly neighborhood in order to save some money at the expense of the welfare of their children. Consequently, Haben developed self-destructive patterns of behavior such as suicide attempts, drug addiction, tobacco and alcohol use in this most tragic circumstances, which is difficult to survive and thrive. He grew up with no knowledge and orientation of his ethnic identity and traditional cultural heritage. Haben has developed a very pessimistic view and negative attitude towards Eritrea and Africa due to what he heard and saw on TV about war, drought, famine, hunger and starvation that prevail in the continent. He became very rebellious, defiant and shows outright disobedience and disrespect to his parents and others. Haben has frequently visited the city jail and federal prison for various crimes because he has serious problems with the law, particularly for drunk driving (alcohol use), substance (drug) abuse, and other gang related crimes. He has problems with school performance because he sticks with the wrong crowd and consequently he dropped out of school before he ever finished high school. He has become a bad example to his younger brothers and sisters. His younger brother is already a member of the neighborhood gang and followed every foot step of his older brother, Haben. His younger sister got pregnant when she was a teenager and dropped out of school before entering high school. Now, she is raising a five-year old little girl by working in a convenient store for a minimum wage. To no avail, Haben’s desperate family even has sent him for a few months to Eritrea for proper social training and disciplinary measures from grandparents and extended family members. Apparently there was no responsible Eritrean community around that could provide help to Haben and his family. Haben and his brothers and sisters are not the only ones that went astray; we have many other Eritrean youth who have lost their vision, hopes and dreams for ever. Clearly something is terribly wrong with our understanding of our children and that is why our relationship has often gone sour. Let’s wake up! Our youth need an immediate help from our own ethnic communities.

Luckily, Dejen grew up in a decent family with a lot of love and discipline. The parents gave him all the needed quality time to establish a good relationship in the family. He has good friends both Eritreans and others and he has been an outstanding role model for his siblings. Dejen has been tempered by his parents and tested by his peers for various negative practices – alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. He is very proud of his parents even if they speak the local language with an accent and even if they drive an old car to go to work odd jobs. He understands that his family is the real mighty rock to hold on and the most reliable fortress where he can be safe and secured. He realizes that it is difficult for his parents to make the cultural transition from the country they have come to the country where they currently live. Though caught in conflict between two cultures, he understands that the culture from Eritrea represents not only his heritage, but connects him to his roots and ethnic identity. In addition to the guidance and encouragements he receives from his parents, he has also been taught Tigrinya, the history of Eritrea and its people from a formidable local Eritrean community where he has served in various capacities. Dejen is a very responsible and matured young man and serious with his education and building his professional career. He has already finished college in Europe with distinction. Surprisingly, he is currently pursuing his graduate studies in North America in the town where his cousin, Heben, is incarcerated. Despite the fact that they are cousins with almost the same age from the same family tree, they are two perfect strangers with completely different attitudes and driving force towards building their lives and careers. It is evident that the places and environment they grew up have a lot to do with their upbringings, but the integrity of the family and the existence and support of the Eritrean community are the most important determinants in molding and nurturing the behavior and personality of Dejen.

As it has been indicated above, if we pick up any newspaper and we will find stories about youth drug abuse and teen crimes. If we turn on the evening TV news and we will see another report on runaways or street gangs. Like wise, as standardized test scores continue to plummet, teenage births seem to keep on rising. Contemporary mass media has been bombarding the public with endless movies on various crimes and television programs depicting the increasing problems of youth. Depending on one's perspective, one might interpret such increases of youth problems very differently and suggest very different solutions. We might see these dilemmas as evidence of a disintegrating moral and social order in any dysfunctional family or ethnic community or both, and some of us may advocate the teaching of our traditional social values and cultural heritage. Others might argue that these youth problems demonstrate how parents and local communities could fail in raising their children with proper care and discipline, and some of us may advocate the formation of viable ethnic communities and the building strengths in more youth programs in these communities directed toward the youth. While some of us may advocate the combination and mix of the two suggestions in which case the partnership and active participation of the parents and communities are highly required and necessary in raising the children.

Obviously, growing up is not an easy thing and also it is not all fun raising children or struggling with the youth. This is because in youth we run into difficulties, in old age difficulties run into us. Every thing parents say and do is important during the most critical time. However, what parents don’t say and don’t do the wrong thing at the wrong time is just as important as what they do say and do the right thing at the right time. We should be careful about the kind of messages we would like to send to our young generation. Unwarranted pessimism about their generation, reinforced by negative and false publicity, can really damage the confidence young people have in themselves and their future. We can take the steps necessary to create the most positive conditions and efforts for creating positive opportunities to develop youth potential and foster the personal attributes that enhance the welfare of our young people. Understanding about the causes of the youth problems is the beginning of the solution. So, our ethnic community first need to trace the root of all the changing faces of our today’s youth before placing the blame on the youth. Blaming each other and creating division among ourselves are not the ways to combat the problems of our relationship with our youth. The most visible way to solve our problems is to first improve our relationships among ourselves and amend our wrong attitudes towards each other. Thus, the Eritrean scholars, concerned parents, and Eritrean elders should come together to build our own viable communities and play an important role in helping our youth to be the best young Eritreans we all wish to see and leave them behind with confidence and desire. If we are to have real peace and harmony among ourselves, collectively we have to begin to think and have profound and passionate concern of our children. As Socrates said, “Pay attention to the young and make them as good as possible. “ We need to put into perspective that the very youth who are being well or ill treated now are the same well or maladjusted young generation who are going to take over our place and represent us as second generation Eritreans later.

Constructive comments about this article can be forwarded to: tgebrem@wvu.edu. Thank you and God bless us all!