TOLERANCE, NOT HOSTILITY BRINGS US TOGETHER

Dr. Tesfa G. Gebremedhin

West Virginia University

Allow me to tell you the story of a 14-year old young man from an Eritrean family. I met him in one of the cities in North America when I went there to give a couple of seminars to the Youth and Parents. He told me in private that he goes to a school where he faces an identity problem. He said that there are few African-American students in the school. His parents have constantly told him never to associate with any black or white American students. His frustration is that he needs to interact with somebody in class, to eat his lunch with somebody in the cafeteria, to play ball outside with somebody during recess, and to talk with somebody about class assignments. He explained that the white students do not want to associate with him because he is black and the black students would associate with him half-heartedly because, though of the same color, they think that he is from a different crowd. There are no students like him from Eritrean families with whom he could associate and make friends. He also told me that there is no Eritrean Community Center in the city where he could go there and make friends after school. He added that his parents do not allow him to even visit friends of Eritrean origin in their respective homes because his parents have quarreled with their parents for political reasons. “Now” he said, “What am I supposed to do? My parents want me to come to my house straight from school and stay home watching TV and playing video games. How long can I stay at home? Watch TV? And play video games? I do not like it; I am going crazy because I do not have friends like a normal teenager. Please tell me what to do, or tell to our Eritrean parents to patch up their differences and let their children interact and build friendship among themselves. Thus, we need an Eritrean Community Center where we can meet and make Eritrean friends and stick together to our own crowd.” I think the young man is making a lot of sense.

In view of these situations, it has been commonly observed that many Eritreans in Diasporas have developed a strange and unfriendly culture reflected by enviousness, selfishness, and arrogance. We, the parents, have declared the war in our communities and religious establishments. However, the children are the ones that receive the bullets fired from our battlefields. We have failed to realize and understand that the squabbles and quarrels among us are creating lifelong emotional problems to our own children. Because of the disputes and animosity among ourselves and the hostile environment that we are creating in our communities, our children are falling between the cracks and hurting themselves badly. Consequently, we have many children who have gone in disarray. Some have become drug addicts and junkies, some school drop outs, some shoplifters, some hookers and prostitutes, some frequent occupants of jails, and some have identity problems. I am wondering if we still have enough glue or bond remaining in our communities to hold us together. It is evident that every one of us has a different family background and political perspectives. It is important to respect our differences and celebrate our similarities in order to truly understand and enjoy who we are as individual human beings to enable us stick together to our own crowd as Eritreans. If we are trapped in our hostile political demagogue and skirmish squabbles, we will end up developing deep-rooted hatred and enmity among us. Hostility and animosity among us can only serve to create fractured and dysfunctional Eritrean communities. To this effect, let me tell you the story of Smelly Potatoes I have learned from a wonderful Eritrean friend.

A first grade teacher has decided to let her students play a game. The teacher told each student to bring a plastic bag containing a few potatoes to class the next day. She informed them that each potato will be given a name of a person that the student hates, so the number of potatoes that each student will put in her/his plastic bag will depend on the number of people s/he hates.

So when the day came, every student brought some potatoes with the name of the people s/he hated. Some had two potatoes; some had three while others had up to five potatoes. The teacher then told the students to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go for one week.

Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell emitted from the rotten potatoes. In addition, those students having five potatoes had to carry heavier bags than the others. After one week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended. The teacher asked the students: “How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for one week?” The children expressed their frustration and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go. They said, “It was a terrible experience.”

Then, the teacher told the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: “This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and your way of thinking; you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just one week, can you imagine what it is like to have the stench of hatred for somebody in your heart for your lifetime?”

The moral lesson of the story is that we have to throw away any hatred for everyone, particularly for a fellow Eritrean, from our heart so that we will not carry sins (grudge) for a lifetime. According to both Holy Bible and Quran, “Never let hatred of anyone leads you into the sin of deviating from justice, or from doing the right thing.” We must have no hatred and bitterness towards each other. We have not enough excuses to make us hate, but we have enough reasons to make us love one another. What is obtained by love is retained for all time, but what is obtained by hatred proves a burden in reality for it increases more hatred. It is always a blessing to love others even if we do not like them. True love is not loving a perfect person, but loving an imperfect person perfectly and that is all what God/Allah wants us to do. We need to remember that if our children are hurt and run away from our communities due to our unreasonable and unfriendly attitudes toward each other, it is very likely that we will not have a second generation of Eritreans in Diasporas. It is, therefore, a matter of survival of our Eritrean identity and cultural heritage to come and work together. Thus, the Eritrean scholars, concerned parents, and Eritrean elders should come to their senses and get together to build our own viable communities with full of love, peace, faith, and hope. Thank you and God bless us all!