WHAT DO OUR ERITREAN TEENAGERS SAY ABOUT US?

Dr. Tesfa G. Gebremedhin

West Virginia University

I have been communicating with our teenagers individually or collectively in a seminar setting in many places. I have learned that there is a tremendous misunderstanding between us and our teenagers due to lack of communication. How much do we know our teenagers? I know we all love our children very much, but I believe we know them very little because we do not understand and even we do not even try to understand their thinking, feelings, and emotions. What do they say about us (parents in Diaspora)? I have collected a few of what they say about us and I urge you to please read and understand them carefully. Some of what our Eritrean teenagers say about us are the following: ----------------

You never receive your phone messages from your parents and if you do, it is too late. You can’t call or receive a phone call after 9pm, even if you are 21 or more years old.

Your parents always threaten to send you "back home" if you don’t behave the way they would like you to behave without teaching you the best way to behave.

You show up for your prom/party/school/work in your father’s taxi smelling like your mother’s tsebhi.

Every habesha boy or girl your father introduces you to, he says he or she is your cousin and later, it is funny, your parents want you to marry him or her.

Anytime your parents meet someone they know, they tell you to kiss them three times and when you are done with kissing, the guests ask you 101 questions about school and other nonsense stuff.

If you happen to drive your family car, your parents complain that the gas is empty if it is at half tank.

Your parents never service the family car and then complain when it breaks down by putting the blame on you.

Your parents get to your nerves complaining about your grades at the end of the semester, but they know that they were not around to help you when you had problems doing your assignments.

Your parents tell you that the only REAL majors are engineering, medicine, or business. Other majors don’t make sense to them.

You father's friends always ask you when you will be done with school and when you are finally done they say "why don't you continue going to school'. You can’t say, “It is none of your business”.

You have at least one extended family member living in your house and you have 10 relatives that drive a cab, work in a parking lot, or in a gas station in D.C.

Your parents talk loud on the phone and they don’t get tired talking politics for hours and hours, but they don’t make time to listen and talk to their children.

It is really funny that our parents listen to the same Tigrinya tape everyday for six months straight until the tape breaks into pieces or buy a new Tigrinya tape.

Your parents want to call your name but they call all your siblings first before they finally get your name right.

You, your father and your mother have three completely different last names and you can’t explain why three last names to your friends or teachers.

Every habesha friend brings Pepsi or Coke when they come to visit you. When you check the date, it has expired for the last two years.

It is embarrassing to observe that when you go to a restaurant with your parents and family friends, habesha people almost fight over who pays the bill.

Your parents tell you that it is a simple family gathering, but it ends up being more than 100 people in your house.

It does not make sense that your parents always want you to get to work one hour early and leave one hour late.

If your mom is in the kitchen for 10 hours and still she is not yet done cooking sega begie (lamb) tsebhi with hot berbere and you will be forced to eat enjera and tsebhi for the whole week. Have mercy on us!

Your father and mother start to be parents when you are already in a lot of problems like drugs, alcohol, teenage pregnancy, and dropping out of school. Where were they when you were innocent children?

One father told to his teenage son that he (father) saw the sun before him (son) and his son answered him that he (father) must have got up early in the morning before him (son) and saw the sun. Guise! Both of them did not understand each other because of culture-based communication differences.

Our parents try to make us feel guilty by saying, “We were fine in Adina (Eritrea); we were living comfortably in our own house; we had a good job and a good car. We came here (America or Europe) for the sake of you. Now, we work odd jobs, drive an old car and live in a crummy apartment so that you can have a good education and a wonderful life”. It is ridiculous; whom are they kidding; they came to America or Europe for their own sake. Don’t put the guilt on us!

We, teenagers, do the most outrageous things in our lives, such as having outlandish hair style, listening to vulgar music, and strolling with wired walk, but parents should not overreact over our short-lived rebellious behaviors and hormonal mood changes; they need to understand that it is all part of growing up.