JEALOUSY AND GOSSIP: THE TWO BEST FRIENDS

Dr. Tesfa G. Gebremedhin

West Virginia University

Jealousy and gossip have been two best friends for a long time since human beings have started relationship among themselves. When jealousy is the state of wicked mind, gossip is the twisted expression of jealousy. Gossip is the oldest and still the most common means of spreading trivial, hurtful and hateful rumors, scandals, and socially unproductive information. Gossip could potentially paralyze the free flow of productive and constructive information and enforce jealousy among people. Gossip is saying things against someone, behind someone's back by sick and twisted individuals. They stir up trouble, disturb the social order, and break up friendship because they have the state of evil minds perhaps destined to do mischievous things. The disease of jealously expressed by gossip is a malignant cancer of the state of mind that creates disorder and chaos in any community and causes hostility and deformity among people by inflicting conflicts.

Cultural beliefs and social values of any society play an important role in determining what triggers jealousy and what constitutes morally unacceptable gossip in the social activities of people in any community. It has been observed that jealousy and gossip are our worst enemies in the survival of our communities. History can tell that we have been staunch against our worst external enemies, but we seem to be not strong enough to handle our internal misunderstandings or conflicts in our own communities which are mostly based on hurtful jealousy and hateful gossip among ourselves. I would like to elaborate the shame and disgrace of jealousy and gossip and the importance of building up strong inner strength by narrating a memorable legend story of a monk.

There was a holy monk in history that lived in the Sinai desert as a hermit for many years. He spent most of his time fasting and praying to the almighty God for His holy grace and blessings. The monk managed to tolerate the unbearable thirst and hunger of the desert and to resist the scorching heat from the sun during the day and the shivering cold during the night. He shared the life of the unfriendly climate of the desert with the poisonous snakes, scorpions, and other dangerous animals and insects. In spite of his endurance to these natural vagaries, the monk had a peaceful life and relationship with his God in the desert until his integrity and inner strength was personally tested by the Devil. The Devil wanted him to be his disciple or follower instead of God. The Devil sent his demons to the monk to convince him that he could have everything he would like to have on earth and heaven above, if he became the follower of the Devil. The demons tried everything in their power to create instability in his faith and win his devotion to the Devil. They could not shake his integrity to God because he was very strong to challenge the enemies of his faith. The Devil was not happy with his demons and he summoned all of them to his chamber and told them that he was disappointed because they failed to understand the weak point of human beings. He explained to them that they should have tested the monk’s inner strength within himself rather than testing his strength against his external enemies. The Devil invited them to listen and pay attention what he would say to the monk and how the state of the monk’s mind would consequently change. As the Devil whispered a gossip in the ears of the monk by saying, “Your brother got elected as the patriarch of Egypt,” the face of the monk instantly altered and showed jealousy. When he heard the gossip, the monk was angry inside and his anger was shown on his face. The monk was not happy for his brother being elected as the patriarch of Egypt. In his own mind, he was thinking that he was the only one that deserved the position because he felt that he was more close to God than his brother for he had been in the desert for a long time maintaining a close relationship with God. Despite the fact that the monk gallantly challenged his enemies and endured temptations over the years, he was not strong enough to deal with his inner strength which was negatively manifested by jealousy. At the core of his jealousy seemed to be an upward social comparison not the holy relationship with his God that threatened his self-esteem and self-worth because his brother’s achievement was the position that the monk desired or wished to have for himself. It was a pity to observe such kind of state of mind of the holy monk that showed such pain or frustration caused by his brother’s superior position that the monk did not have himself.

The moral lesson of the story is that when you are a beautiful person on the inside and a strong person from the outside, there is nothing in the world that can shake your integrity and you are symbolized as the kind of person harnessed with respect and dignity. However, when you are an ugly person on the inside and a weak one from the outside, there is a high probability that you will be taken as a person with a wicked mind who shows jealousy and practices gossip. It is evident that jealousy and gossip cannot bring people together; instead they disturb the peace, unity and harmony. They can only put people apart and create enmity, hostility and animosity. Jealousy and gossip are manifested among individuals who usually lack self-confidence, self-worth, and self-acceptance and who have lost faith, courage, and inner strength, and dissatisfaction with their achievement and performance in life. If we cannot face the challenge against our inner strength and cannot accept ourselves as persons of integrity, then certainly no one else will accept us as reliable and formidable persons. We can gain more friends by being ourselves than we can by pretending or wishing to be somebody else. We can gain more friends by building people up and showing kindness and integrity than we can by tearing them down with gossip loaded with hateful jealousy. And we can gain more friends by taking a few minutes of our time from each day to do something kind and worthwhile for someone, whether it is a good friend, our own community, or even a complete and perfect stranger. We would never imagine in our whole lives what a difference we, as individuals in a community, can make in the lives of others – our children and community members.

If we would have others respect us, we need to respect ourselves. Respect for ourselves always guides our morals; respect for others often guides our manners. We can be valued and respected only as we make ourselves valuable and respectful with dignity and integrity. We can also be disgraced and despised as we make ourselves disgraceful and disrespectful with jealousy and spreading hateful gossip against someone else. We must be the mighty rock for someone (particularly our children) to hold on something real and reliable and to be the fortress where somebody (or our children) can be safe and secured. If we have a positive attitude towards each other and become aware of what to say, when to say, and how to say things at any time and place, particularly to our children, we can establish a peaceful and friendly relationship with our family and community members. We all need to strive for integrity that means knowing our social values in life and behaving in a way that is consistent with these desirable values. Self-respect permeates every aspect of our life because it is the cornerstone of all virtues. It is not only what we profess in words but also what we practice in everyday deeds that give us integrity. Be aware that integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do. God bless us to do the right thing and have integrity with what we say and do. Thank you.