Stages of Grief

Written by Amanuel Biedemariam

 

For a long time I wanted to post this article  because I felt that it is true and is a glimpse into what I believe is a reflection of the process that many Ethiopians have to go through to let go of the emotional attachment they have with Eritrea. I am not a psychologist, but using my psychology 101 from college I feel that I found a fitting formula to make sense on how Ethiopians are progressing towards accepting our independence and as a nation. The formula: The stages of Grief by Kubler-Ross.

The stages are:
1.      Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
2.      Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")

3.      Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my child(ren) graduate."
4.      Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
5.      Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."
Kübler - Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one and d. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. I believe these stages also apply to Ethiopians going through the loss of Eritrea as a former province of their nation. This is particularly evident among Amharas and I believe knowing full well Weyane is exploiting or exploited this to galvanize support for their misdeeds against Eritrea.

The stages and how they apply:
Denial: at this stage a person denies what happened and fails to comprehend the magnitude of the circumstance.

After the independence of Eritrea many Ethiopians I encountered where shocked and in disbelief. Their reaction varied and most believed it is a temporary phase and the two sisterly countries will eventually come together as one after they come to their senses. They told themselves Eritrea can not sustain itself economically, politically and as a nation. They were dumb founded particularly because there was nothing they can do about it due to Weyane’s unconditional acquiesce  to  Eritrean independence and their weak position that followed the fall of Derg. I am sure many Eritreans have encountered Ethiopians and some Ethiophyles that chose to totally ignore our independent identity by stating time and again “you are all the same” as if they know Eritrea and its history. In an effort to undermine Eritrean independence and with sheer disrespect to Eritrean wishes many Ethiopians bring up issues that undermine Eritrean and they do it deliberately and some to this day teach their kids Eritrea as part of Ethiopia.

Many use history to manipulate facts in order to make the case that Eritrea is Ethiopia and most of the history they bring up is not based on facts but most importantly the facts they ignore are undisputed facts. My favorite misrepresentation is the history of colonization and Ethiopia, while they brag about the pristine colonial past of Ethiopia they ignore Eritrean colonial period on the hands of the Italians. How is it possible to claim Eritrea is Ethiopia while you claim you have never been colonized? If that is not denial don’t know what is.

 Anger: The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt , or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

I saw true anger directed at Eritrean even by those who claimed to be our friends after the war broke out and particularly during the period when Weyane expelled Eritreans from Ethiopia. I felt there was great deal of satisfaction by some Ethiopians after Weyane expelled Eritreans (there were sane Ethiopians in Ethiopia and else where who opposed Weyane and helped Eritreans at a great risk) but, I truly felt there was some feeling of satisfaction emanating from many. The attitude was they want to be independent, let them go. I also saw the false bravado expressed during the war particularly after they penetrated Badme. The exhilaration was unmatched and I got the sense they felt a release after all the years of defeat on the hands of Eritreans. This was also exploited very well by Weyane. I don’t think there is a single Eritrean who doesn’t meet Ethiopians and hear them express satisfaction about it. Again, if that is not anger I don’t know what it is because Ethiopians didn’t care about Badme they wanted Eritrea because they feel Eritrea is Ethiopian.

Bargaining: Now the grieving person may make bargains with God/Allah, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

I feel this may be the stage where the majority of Ethiopians particularly those in the Diaspora may be in. Having gone through a devastating war, they don’t have the stomach and justification for another war and at the same time they know this is Weyane’s   game so, majority has decided to work against Weyane. Some are working with us to rid Ethiopia of the filth Weyane for good.  But, the bargaining goes on in many heads of Ethiopians. Some want Assab, some want Eritrea and some want a regime change so they can get what they want. Those in this camp justify what is in their head by using many excuses such as Eritreans are in bad shape under Isayas, It is Isayas and Meles otherwise Ethiopians and Eritreans are one, no freedom under Isayas and so on. As you have heard recently, Ghebru Asrat is trying to sell this idea by raising the issue of Assab to try to galvanize support for his feeble attempt to subdue Eritrea one more time As Well as Dr. Yacob Hailemariam and others openly claiming Assab and some venture to Massawa. It is very clear to almost the entire Ethiopian population that Weyane represents a limited self interested clique even at the expense of Tigray. We can’t deny the fact that almost all the leaders are Tigrayans .This helped create a rift between Weyane’s agenda of war and Ethiopians lack of desire to work with Weyane because they know the imminent demise of the mercenary thugs of Tigray. This makes certain that Weyane’s tricks are going down the toilet in Sheraton sooner than later.

But the dying Weyane regime is not to be deterred and as such it is churning excuses after excuses to try to justify its continuous quest for war and subjugation of Eritrea while it puts Ethiopian children in constant state of starvation. While it embraced and cried help for foreign aid in 1999-2003, it has decided that it is inconsistent with positive image of growth and prosperity it is trying to create with lies of 10% growing GDP and beg at the same time. So, the new excuses are based on “Somali refugees” flowing into Ethiopia and the hunger aid they seek is for the Somali’s and aid for fighting The War on Terror. But the Ethiopian people remain starved while Meles Zenawi applies different methods of begging while waging wars of aggression every where in the Horn prostituting for the West and the US.

I find it amusing to see Weyane cry for Eritreans after deporting them by the thousands, after displacing masses for years and particularly remembering the liars liar, Meles Zenawi lie to Eritrean people, “we will never scratch your wounds”, to plaster the refugees in Shimbella camp over and over on ETV as if it is a major catastrophic event in attempt to tell the gullible that Eritrea is in dire situation, Eritrean people are suffering under PFDJ and so on. I actually equate it to the idea of a wounded trying to cure another wounded with an infected wound. But this wounded thug is laden with the most deadly disease known to mankind to infect you deliberately.

So, Meles can try to fool the gullible inside and out of Ethiopia that he is the good guy and he is working for the good of Eritrean oppressed and plaster the made up refugee story of Shimbella camp on his TV over and over like a broken record while at the same time giving the ideas of regime change, Assab and by putting the independence of Eritrea in question in order to keep the bargaining going on the heads of the confused. He regularly enlists the help of Eritreans who are rejects of their own mothers but want to be Eritrean Chalabis. My answer to the confused is, “give it up.” If Meles was capable, he would have done what he did to Somalia in Eritrea in a heart beat!

This is also another lie the thugs in Tigray are churning in the direction of realizing their ultimate goal, ABBAY TIGRAY. And this is becoming clearer to every Ethiopian fighting Meles.

 

Conclusion
To realize the final stages one must come to the understanding that peace, prosperity, growth, education, health and security come with the awareness that all is possible provided we develop mutual respect, understanding and most importantly the respect for rule of law. It is impossible to go to court receive a judgment and believe you can change judgments by might and believe to assure security. It is impossible to violate people and their identity and be brotherly. It is unrealistic to believe you can develop trust while you violated a rule of law. It is impossible to believe you can have peace and security while you subject others into fear by claiming this territory and that territory. For peace to prevail we must take the personal responsibility and help uphold the rule of law to help settle our people from refugee camps into a flourishing trading partnerships. We must settle our communities to enable them to farm. Based on what transpired the last nine years tremendous faith and good will was lost by many to anger, frustration and hurt. That must be revived because if we don’t, that becomes the crack by which we can be exploited by minority regime with no acceptance by the masses The minority regime, in order to secure its existence must cow tow to the orders of his masters for existence as we see today with Meles and his gangs basically selling and plundering Ethiopia and the region in general. I say this as a concerned human being not as Eritrean. I believe there are many who share my feelings and have accepted the truth and I urge them to share with me and express this to all concerned to save our people!

Eritrea is a nation and it will remain so because the people of Eritrea, the owners of Eritrea have decided to ascertain Eritrean future not because the US, Ethiopia , OAU, the UN or any other world body wanted it, Eritrea is one because of its people.

The rule of law must prevail over the rule of the JUNGLE!

 

 

 

 

 

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