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THE NEED FOR GOING THROUGH A STRUGGLE IN LIFE Dr.
Tesfa G. Gebremedhin West
Virginia University Life is a struggle because there is no gain without pain. Why is
struggle a part of life? Why does there seem to be a real struggle to do the
right thing? Anytime we try anything difficult or new, we are bound to have
some type of struggle. Changing an opinion or perspective, changing a relationship
or expectation, or changing a career or lifestyle, or changing an attitude
about life and living, requires some type of struggle. Anytime we attempt for
growth or development, or a change in any area of our life, we need to go
through some type of struggle. Some people seem to attract struggle into
their life and in due course learn, develop experience and succeed in life.
Other people seem to go through life with no apparent struggle, learn
nothing, avoid experience and fail in life. There is always struggle in our
reaction to life, in our developing mind and our personal desires. The one who does not know the struggle of life is either
an immature soul, or a soul who has risen above the life of this world of
struggle. It is necessary that we should go through the struggle of life in
order to understand the essence of life. Because life means a continual
battle in a war for survival, one’s success or failure mostly depends upon
one’s knowledge of this battle. If one lacks the knowledge of the battle of
life, one lacks the most important knowledge of all. If one does not show
endurance, tolerance and strength to withstand all the opposing and
disturbing influences and obstacles in life, one certainly reveals a serious weakness
and lack of understanding and development in life. The following story
highlights the necessity to go through some kind of struggle in life. It is also
a story that reflects the kind of relationship most of us have with our children. One day
a man found a cocoon of a butterfly near his garage. A few days later he
observed a small opening appeared on one side of the cocoon. One day the man
sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its
body through that little hole. Then the butterfly seemed to stop making any
progress in its effort. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could
and it could go no farther. Finally, the man thought that the butterfly has
given up squeezing itself out through the little hole. Then the man decided
to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors from his garage and
snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon to make a bigger opening. The
butterfly then emerged easily through the bigger hole. But it had a swollen
body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly
because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand
to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. It did not happen
the way the man expected to happen. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of
its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. The
butterfly never was able to fly like a normal butterfly. What the man in his innocence,
kindness and haste judgment did not understand was that the restricting
cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny
opening were the nature's way of forcing fluid from the swollen body of the butterfly
into its shriveled wings so that it would be ready for flight once it
achieved its freedom from the cocoon. The little hole was a part of its life. What do
butterflies have in common with the human experience in life? Life for both a
butterfly and a human being is just like a puzzle. It is complicated, but it depends
on where one is looking from. It may even look like some pieces are missing
and that is why the man in the story did not understand that the little hole that
emerged on one side of the cocoon was meant to be there as part of the
struggle in life for the butterfly. The moral lesson of the story is that some
kind of struggle is what we need in our life, just like how the struggle is a
part of life for the butterfly. The man in the story did not know that nature
has to take its own course and that the butterfly had to go through that
struggle to be able to fly like a normal butterfly. If nature allowed us to
go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us and we would
not understand the meaning of life, or have the normal life for that matter.
We would not be as strong as what we could have been and we could never be
successful in life as the butterfly could never fly at all, if we do not pass
through the same challenge of life. Life is a succession of moments of events.
To live, each one is to succeed. That is why it is commonly observed that
wisdom unfiltered through personal experience does not become a part of the
personal treasure. Likewise,
our children have to go through some kind of struggle in life. They have to
be tempered by some type of struggle and disciplined by some kind of
challenges. As parents, if we provide our children with everything and anything
they want in life, we are not helping them at all. Rather, we are crippling and
stifling their initiative and motivation. We are doing exactly the same thing
as the man who tried to interfere in the natural course of life of the
butterfly. We should not deliver to our children all what they want in a
silver plate, but we need to let them grow up and be challenged. We need to
provide them with parental care and protection, but we need to let them make
their own decisions about life and living. We need to give them advice and
guidance, but not make decision about their professional career for them. We
need to let them make mistakes for they can learn from their own mistakes. We
need to make them better prepared for life by letting them be independent because
every child is being born with a special talent and capability of making the
right decision for life. We need to let them excel with their talents and
triumph with their efforts. We need to let them develop their strength and
will power to endure all things, yet keep fine character and nobility of
manner, together with an everlasting heart full of love for themselves and
others. The fact of the matter is that we have to know the limits of all
forms of parental intervention in the child’s life cycle. Children should
grow through experience to build character, moral and discipline. They have
to learn who they really are and have to make decisions and then live with those
decisions. Even though all parents share a desire to give their children a
better and safer future, children want limited parental involvement in their
lives because the first step in getting the things they want out of life is for
them to decide on their own what they want. When we believe the best in our
children, definitely we help to bring the best out of them. It is
evident that we want and expect our children to grow up matured and
independent, but they need proper guidance and mentoring from their parents
when they are growing up. If we establish a loving home
and a good community environment, our relationship with our
children will always go right and we will do the
right thing in our parental care. As Albert Einstein said, “Only a life lived for others is a life
worthwhile”. Thus, the support of our Eritrean professionals and scholars
in mentoring our children is highly desirable because children always want
opportunities to learn and enhance their career from seasoned mentors and
role models. If what we live for is to make life less difficult for each
other, service to our children and communities is what life is all about. |
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